As a lowly paper-pusher in a large company, I am but a cog in the great wheel that is Corporate America. As such, luxuries like "letter openers" are not made avail...Read complete review
As a lowly paper-pusher in a large company, I am but a cog in the great wheel that is Corporate America. As such, luxuries like "letter openers" are not made available to my ilk. I have been forced to endure countless paper cuts, mangled envelopes, and flayed skin from my fingers as I open the multitude of mail that is part of my lot in life.
Finally, at my wit's end, I wandered zombie-like into a Staples store. I turned down a random aisle and, like a beacon shining through the darkness, the Staples® Letter Opener beckoned to me. Its chrome plating nearly blinding me, I shielded my eyes as I plucked it from its peg on the wall. Elated, almost euphoric, I rushed to the cashier, so eager was I to possess this piece of engineering ingenuity.
Now I am master of my department. All others tremble at my power as I whisk through the mail with nary a blemish on my now-ivory skin. I am a model of efficiency, thanks to this wondrous new tool. Management will soon recognize my genius and I shall soon arise from the bowels of this company to my rightful place in the Executive Wing. Thank you, Staples. You have truly changed my life.
P.S.: Also doubles as a shiv if anyone gets in my way while scrambling up that corporate ladder.
VS
Most Liked Negative Review
Not that great
This letter opener does not open envelopes clean and neatly. I guess it serves it's purpose but just not that great. Perhaps it should be a little sharper?
This letter opener does not open envelopes clean and neatly. I guess it serves it's purpose but just not that great. Perhaps it should be a little sharper?
As a lowly paper-pusher in a large company, I am but a cog in the great wheel that is Corporate America. As such, luxuries like "letter openers" are not made available to my ilk. I have been forced to endure countless paper cuts, mangled envelopes, and flayed skin from my fingers as I open the multitude of mail that is part of my lot in life.
Finally, at my wit's end, I wandered zombie-like into a Staples store. I turned down a random aisle and, like a beacon shining through the darkness, the Staples® Letter Opener beckoned to me. Its chrome plating nearly blinding me, I shielded my eyes as I plucked it from its peg on the wall. Elated, almost euphoric, I rushed to the cashier, so eager was I to possess this piece of engineering ingenuity.
Now I am master of my department. All others tremble at my power as I whisk through the mail with nary a blemish on my now-ivory skin. I am a model of efficiency, thanks to this wondrous new tool. Management will soon recognize my genius and I shall soon arise from the bowels of this company to my rightful place in the Executive Wing. Thank you, Staples. You have truly changed my life.
P.S.: Also doubles as a shiv if anyone gets in my way while scrambling up that corporate ladder.